Dad Joke: My new job is running Old MacDonald's Farm. I'll be the CIEIO.
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What's the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac? A literalist takes things literally. A kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
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Dad joke: Where do criminal rainbows go? Prism, but with only a light sentence.
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OH: When one door closes, another opens. Other than that, it's a pretty good car.
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Dad joke: They're developing a mind-controlled air freshener. It makes scents when you think about it. (rimshot)
Just because you're vaccinated doesn't mean you should get involved in a land war in Asia or go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line
I got into an argument with my wife while on an elevator. As it turned out, I was wrong on so many levels.
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Dad joke: If you or a loved one has been forced to wear a mask and glasses at the same time, you may be entitled to condensation (rimshot)
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Me: The problem with the world is that idiots are so sure of themselves, and intelligent people so full of doubts. You: Do you think that's true? Me…
Dad joke: I went to a bookstore and saw a book entitled, "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." I bought two.
Dark joke this week: I tried to donate blood. Never again! Too many questions. Whose blood is it? Where did you get it? Why is it in a bucket?
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How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw it in most of the way, and the other to give it a surprise twist at the…