Why do I prefer dark mode in my code editor? Because light attracts bugs.
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My son insisted he should receive half of my Father's Day presents. "After all," he said, "without me, you wouldn't even be a father."
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I asked my doctor if I could administer my own anesthetic. He said, "Sure! Knock yourself out!"
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Oldie but goodie: What would Wonder Woman and Spider-Man name their joint business? Amazon Web Services
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Dad Joke: My new job is running Old MacDonald's Farm. I'll be the CIEIO.
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My network access was inconsistent, so I moved my modem to where I keep my horses. Now I have stable wifi (Rimshot).
How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw it in most of the way, and the other to give it a surprise twist at the…
Dad joke: I went to a haunted bread-and-breakfast in France. I had to leave. That place was giving me the crêpes.
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Me: The problem with the world is that idiots are so sure of themselves, and intelligent people so full of doubts. You: Do you think that's true? Me…
Me: "My memory is so bad now." You: "How bad is it?" Me: "How bad is what?"
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I got into an argument with my wife while on an elevator. As it turned out, I was wrong on so many levels.
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My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list, but now I can't read it